either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
