I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
