omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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