I can text with my tongue
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
