I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i now understand why vodka
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
