I just cut my nipple shaving
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Is it because I queefed?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
