I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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