shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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