just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
