This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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