My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
