Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
