she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
