Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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