Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
