We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
