hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
