I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize