Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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