My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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