I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I am available for nakedness
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
