So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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