it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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