Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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