ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Is this like a preordered booty call?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
