I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you will always have a special place in my vag
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
