Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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