So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
