are you still at the devil's house?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize