Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
