it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
