WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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