That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
