Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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