I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
