There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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