I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
