People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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