When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
