shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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