And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
