Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish I only lived at night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize