I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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