you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
