Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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