my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
