is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
