what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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