fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She announced her abortion via fbk
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
