You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
