I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
