first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
