the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
