I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
