nut hugger
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
