remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
