my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize