haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
