I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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