What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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