last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
