I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
