get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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