Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
