Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
