my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
