No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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