While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
